When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
