My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
