Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
