if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
