so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize