Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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