you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
