My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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