Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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