I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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