i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
