I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
