im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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