Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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