Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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