marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize