Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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