nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
