So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
