so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
