Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
