Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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