I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Randomize
