i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize