You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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