:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
