if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
