You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
