so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it's like iHOP with fire
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
