I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She announced her abortion via fbk
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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