We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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