my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
