The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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