i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
