DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
