Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
