You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
