it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
