Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
