I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
