Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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