I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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