Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
