OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
