I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
