Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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