Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
