her vagine was all disorganized.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
