I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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