I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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