Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The Olympian is in my bed
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