covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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