so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
