I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
