I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
