Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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