she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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