I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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