u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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