They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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