Heybabeimwearingurpanties
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
