I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
