so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
