she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
bring money and cleavage
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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