I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
