I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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