Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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