New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize