just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
